dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
There's always time for handjobs
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize