As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
