Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
