would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I think I just shit out all my problems.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
