If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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