ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I think my moral compass just broke
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
