I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
