I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Is it penis luge time yet?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
