what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
