So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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