Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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