He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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