I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
