how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
