I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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