Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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