Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
