I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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