I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
tell me about the eggs
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
