I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
