Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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