Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
