If i come over, it means nothing
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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