You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
