planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
