I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
