he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
the raccoons are back...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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