walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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