My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The power of my boobs compel you
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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