Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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