U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
