i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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