I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
