My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
