I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
