Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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