i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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