she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You need Xanax blowdarts
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
