i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize