True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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