The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
