My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
