Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
