I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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