She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
