i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I want a musical about memes.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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