I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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