Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
