wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
