I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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