Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
