the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
