either way he was missing a nipple.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
