waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
