I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
