Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My breasts were aching with rage.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
