I hope mine doesn't look like that
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
