You're so nebulous sometimes
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
