How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
