What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I will pee on everything he values.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
