fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
