Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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