I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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