Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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