I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
