she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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