we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
