I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
