i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
